I Don't Belong Here

I don't belong here.

This world feels so pathetic to me.

In the shadows, I am at peace.

In the darkness behind my eyes, I can finally relax.

My memories are blurred.

My visions of what was come to me in negative images, like staring into a flame and then closing your eyes.

I can see our home, dark and glorious.

Our children, Illusia and Cartyl, standing proudly at our side as we look out from our balcony upon our beautiful kingdom. The sound of perfect music fills the air. Velvet-smoke filled words this world couldn't comprehend. In this moment I am calm. In this place, I know I am safe from all. Alone in my bed, I dream of these memories. Dreams so vivid, I feel as though they've happened in the day. Yet waking, I find myself alone in my bed, back in this realm that doesn't understand. I sit up, remembering the dreams, and wait for darkness to come again. For the visions of what was to return fully to my eyes. And as I walk again in this world, I am left with the same painful, yet beautiful knowledge.

I don't belong here

The Pain Within You

This is a song I wrote when I was 16, about how I felt about my life and the world around me. It was inspired by a snippet of song from BtVS s6e7, the Buffy musical.

Does anybody even notice,

Does anybody even care

Does anyone ask the questions

That show their love is there

Does anyone try to see it,

The pain in your eyes

How can they possibly believe it

When you tell them all these lies

Does anyone ask the questions

That show their love is true

Or do they just simply deny it,

The pain within you.

Your arms are scratched and bloody

From the way your anger shows

And even though it's there in plain view,

No one around you seems to know

So you suffer alone in silence,

Thinking 'bout the things that you go through

While everyone around you still denies it,

The pain within you.

What will it take for them to realize

You're not as happy as you seem

Do you have to go and write it out,

Do you have to stand and scream

What does it take for them to notice,

Even with all you say and do

But one day they'll have to face it,

The pain within you.

Velvet roses

Velvet roses. Vanilla and chamomile, smooth scarlet wax. The scent is unlike any other. Seemingly forgotten by the world. I cannot find it anywhere. Of earth magik and soft, complex flowers, seemingly immortal. The flame of the candle burns, and the world remembers. The velvet roses are in bloom again.

~Crystalus Aurora