End of an Era...Now What?

Let me ask you all a question: When a huge part of your life, something you've spent more time a part of than anything previous in your world...ends...what do you do? How do you deal?

At our dojo, we deal by being ourselves: random, nerdy, and violent.

Two weeks ago, we all got some very sad news. The Kojokan Samurai Dojo will be closing at the end of the month. There are too many feelings about it to fully explain, but the loss of everything the dojo was will be hard on a lot of us. So, in the little time we have left, we've been doing all sorts of things to have as much fun as we possibly can. Like teaching our newest students our most complicated kata, using two bokken for sparring, even using stage combat blades to do black-belt level sparring forms!!

And, speaking of black-belts...I will be testing for mine this week O.o I was supposed to be doing so in the fall anyway, so I'm fairly well prepared for it. I'm also incredibly grateful to my instructors for believing that I'm good enough at it, and giving me the opportunity to take this test before the doors close.

Once it's all over, though, and we tear everything down, I'm not really sure what I'll do. I'll probably continue to train on my own, using what I know. I'm even planning on trying to teach one of the newer students! Beyond that, I'm going to have a lot of free time on my hands. Probably a good thing for now, if I'm honest. I can work more when I'm home, and won't feel guilty if I miss class due to being away for a weekend.

...I also won't have to feel guilty for skipping Tuesday night class to watch Supernatural when it returns in the fall :)

But, even with all these plans, and with the understanding of why it's happening, I still feel a little lost. I've been training there for three years, and been associated with the dojo for five...my, how time flies. It's been a gigantic part of my everyday life, and a driving force in keeping me going and moving forward the last few years. It helps immensely that I'll still have the friends I've made there, from a few of the students to Michael and Alex, and, of course, the best friends I've ever had, Dan and Jill.

All in all, I'm extremely sad to see the dojo close, but the spirit of it will live on in all the lives it has touched. So, for all that the Kojokan Samurai Dojo has given us, there's only one thing left to say:

Domo arigato gozaimasu.

Return to Rosemont!

Nails redone, hair washed and dried (believe me, that's a chore in itself), new bag mostly packed. Now to finish packing, get everything (other than morning essentials) put out in the car, as I likely won't be back to the house after I leave at 9am. Gotta get my power steering pump replaced...again...because the one they put in is defective. Then errands to run, and then to my friend's house, where I will throw all this stuff into her car, and we'll run away for the weekend!

We're headed to Anime Midwest, an anime convention in Rosemont, IL. Going to be an awesome weekend...I'll be ACTUALLY COSPLAYING this time!! I have my goth!Elsa costume completed (FINALLY! Seriously, painting a specific snowflake onto sheer fabric...not easy), and I have a pair of shredded jeans that will work well for my Ramona cosplay :)
I don't actually watch anime...no interest in it..but my friends Dan and Jill Coglan, better known as Samurai Dan and Jillian, perform and run panels at anime cons all over the country..so, when I get the chance to, I go and enjoy their mix of history, fun facts, and incredibly dirty-minded humor. I practically know their shows and panels by heart, but they're always adding random stuff, and I always have a blast.

But, this isn't just any weekend. Friday, July 4th, just so happens to be a very special day...the day I was born! That's right, it's my birthday, and I'm gonna party like it ;)  Getting to be out of Iowa for my birthday is a rare treat, something I haven't done since...well, since I turned 21, and spent the weekend out in Anaheim, catching up with old friends and visiting old stomping grounds. For my 26th birthday (my gods..I can't believe I'm that old), I plan on laughing my butt off and maybe going out with friends while I'm at con..we'll have to see on that, since I don't know what everyone's schedule is yet. But, either way, I am determined to have an awesome birthday, and an awesome weekend :D

What've I been up to?

Hello, again!

It's been a while since I've written. Life has been both hectic and monotonous at the same time.

I've been busy working, training, hanging out with friends...but haven't done a lot noteworthy. Granted, 3 months have gone by, so there has been some stuff...

First off, I got a new phone!!! I've been using Tracfone or Straight-talk since I was 18, so finally having a good phone through Verizon has been freaking awesome. I got a Note 2, which is basically a mini tablet that some genius made into a phone. It comes with this cool little stylus pen that fits right into the phone, so I can write, draw, etc! I've been using it to draw again, which I'll get to in a minute.

The phone has a ton of cool features, like its own sketchbook and notepad apps, a voice recorder that will record in high quality, and good cameras; one on the back, with flash (insanely helpful), and one on the front for selfies (I hate that word....) and video chatting!!! I'll grant you, the 2-year contract I had to sign my soul over for (I wasn't really using it anyway ;) worries me just a little, but getting that phone for $1 was a pretty sweet deal...and getting a $50 Best Buy gift card..which I used to buy a good protective case for it...was pretty freaking awesome.

I said earlier I've been drawing again. I've been wanting to be more creative, to express myself. Usually, I'm not very good at it...I don't have the skills right now to do anything great. But I have to try, and I've gotten a lot of support from the tumblr community to keep trying, that every artist has to go through this. I've posted some of my art online, and I've got a few ideas that I'm working on.

In addition to drawing, I'm also coloring again. Coloring for me is a zen exercise, wherein I put on my headphones, listen to a Dresden Files audiobook, and color elaborate dragons. Getting through just one dragon will usually take at least one whole audiobook, if not more. They're very complex, and I'm very picky about which colors I use where.

Speaking of being creative...I got to repaint my room! I repainted my ceiling in primer white..all by myself...with a roller that didn't have an extendy handle...that sucked. My shoulders still haven't totally recovered from that, and that was last Thursday. I then painted my walls, after having torn apart my room to get everything away from the walls. I got kindof depressed by that; I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't moving, that I didn't have to leave. The only times I've ever torn my room down like that was when I had to..so..yea. Anyway. I painted the walls a very beautiful blue, in a shade called Winter Lake. I did all of the painting in one day, and then came back up the next day (as I was dogsitting that weekend) and put my room back together. Got everything put back up on the walls, furniture moved back into place..in that day. Less than 5 hours. It's now a very calming space, both for my massage clients and for me to meditate and create in.

Next week, though, there's a lot going on. I'm turning 26 on July 4^th! Gettin' old ;) But I'm going to be spending my birthday out of state for the first time since I was 21. I'm leaving Thursday with my friend Kara for Rosemont, IL, to attend Anime Midwest! It'll be nice to have someone to hang out with this time round. Most cons I go to, I spend a lot of time alone, so having somebody around will be awesome. I'm going to be cosplaying goth!Elsa that weekend. Kara made the cape/train for it, though I still need to paint on the snowflakes. I have a black shirt and corset that will work perfectly, as well as a skirt that's got a opaque, very short skirt underneath, and a chiffon hi-low over skirt. I'll have on my snowflake jewelry, and have my hair done like Elsa's. It's going to be really cool :)

I'd mentioned the tumblr community...I'm a SuperWhoLock fan, and tumblr has been amazing while we're on hiatus for all of our shows. They continue to post screen caps and gifs and stories from SPN cons, and, of course, Destiel fluff. Yes, that's right..I'm a Destiel fan. They do, after all, share a more profound bond. And with what happened this season on SPN, having the support of the community is necessary. It just is.

So..yea. I guess more has happened than I thought. I just rarely have the time or the motivation to write for the blog, or for myself. But I'm hoping I'll be able to get back into the swing of it, so keep your eyes peeled for more posts :)  

Adventures In Dogsitting, Take 2!

Yep, more sitting of fuzzy beasts...this time, the wonderful Naya and Kuma, belonging to Dan and Jill! The humans are off at conventions for 2 weeks, so I am here watching puppies and enjoying time alone. 

Before I get to all that, though, I have to tell you all about the weekend. I did close to 700 minutes of chair massage, including the after-party. We were CRAZY BUSY. And that's not even including the fact I had a second therapist with me all weekend, and Kelly for a bit, and the fact that she and two other therapists were even busier at Planet Comic Con. 

I was very happy being where we were, too...our booth was right behind the booth of Nene Thomas! If you don't know who she is, look her up...you've probably seen her beautiful artwork before. About 4 years ago, my grandmother bought me a throw by Nene (Flamenco Faery) for Yule, and it's still hanging over my curtains. So, I had to buy some art from her. I bought two large prints, a medium print, and a few postcard size prints. And then, to top it off, because Sarah (the other therapist) and I had bought a bunch of stuff, and because we'd both been so sweet, while we were all tearing down, she gave both of us a free print!! I was so excited!!! It isn't often I get to meet an artist who's work I've admired for so long, so I add that experience to the short list of really great meetings :D

I left Kansas City early Monday morning, and drove straight here to let the dogs out (to answer the old question...yea, it was me :P ). They were very happy to see me, and I got puppy kisses and even lovingly nommed by a Kuma :) 

Honestly, this job has been a billion times easier than the last time I dogsat. Oz was very sweet, but also extremely skittish. He'd shake and pee at loud sounds, and didn't play or act like a dog much at all. My friend Kristin and I decided he was more like a giant bunny. But these two, they're dogs. They play, they romp, and, while they sit up and pay attention if I make a loud noise, it doesn't phase them. They're crazy easy to take care of and love, even with giving Kuma his meds every morning and evening. 

But these two weeks aren't just about taking care of them. They're also about taking care of myself. I've let my weight and health slip for far too long, and I'm taking this opportunity where I have the equipment I prefer and the alone time to jump-start a remedy to that. I've been working out everyday, eating less, and, starting today, will be meditating everyday as well. So far, I've already lost 4lbs, and I feel like I'm beginning to feel better.

Plus, I get to watch a TON of movies! I'm designing my own personal movie nights, pairing movies I've seen with ones I haven't that fit together. Today was my Disney Princess day. First, Sleeping Beauty, then Anastasia (I know, that's 20th Century Fox, but meh), then Brave, then....FROZEN!!!! :D My poor vocal chords are unhappy with me from all the singing along, but I don't care. It was a very good day. 

Now to go let in the fuzzies for the night, and rest my voice for the future...planning on doing a Phantom/Les Miserables night, and a Repo/Sweeney Todd/Labyrinth night before my vacation is over :)

Corsets, Cold Meds, and Chair Massage

First off, I have to say how freaking happy I am that the weather has started to warm here in Iowa. We've had temps up in the low 50's, and, while at the end of summer, that's not great, at the end of winter, it's wonderful. I can walk outside in a t-shirt and skirt now, and that's awesome.

But, I'll be leaving for even warmer weather this weekend. I'm heading to Kansas City, KS tomorrow for Naka-Con, an anime convention held in Overland Park. It's forecasted to be in the 70's until Sunday there. Yay!!!

I'll be staying with and working under my good friend Kelly Lewis, who runs a chair massage booth at conventions. As I have my own chair, she's invited me to come do some massage at the con, and to stay with her for the weekend.

Here's a tip for any massage therapists out there, and this I got from Kelly: When you're doing chair massage at an event or a con, wear a corset. Not kidding. I was amazed last year when I did this with her, just how much it helped with both posture and keeping everything from hurting. Without the corset, chair massage is never comfortable. You're half bent over, trying to push with your arms from a position where you don't have all that much leverage. Wearing a corset keeps your back straight...it's basically a back brace, only more awesome.

Speaking of corsets...I get to wear a couple new ones this time round. I've been wanting an underbust corset for a long time..and a couple weeks ago, my AWESOME friend Kristin decided to get me a late Yule present :) So, we looked around online, and wound up back at www.corset-deal.com, which is where we've both gotten our best corsets before. Browsing around, I found they had a category of Buy-One-Get-One-Free, so I looked through there. I found a beautiful blue-brocade waist-training underbust, and a silver one just like it...so she bought them for me!

I'll also get to wear some other new gear at con: my new Fenris Firar Official Pack Member t-shirt and wrist bands!!! They were the awesome perks I got for donating to my best friends' indie-go-go fund. Most of you probably already know Samurai Dan and Jillian, aka Dan and Jill Coglan, but if you don't, you should go look them up, 'cause they're awesome. (Do I say "awesome" a lot? ;) )

I'm super excited for the weekend....apart from the fact that I'll be doing all this with a cold. Now, normally when I get a cold, I spend 4 or 5 days dragging myself around the house, chugging NyQuil and sleeping as much as possible. But I can't do that this weekend. Gotta work. So, instead, DayQuil and allergy meds, lots of hot tea with honey, and plenty of tissues on hand. I'm already a few days in, so I'm past being contagious.

It's going to be a very interesting, but very fun weekend. And, if you happen to be going to Naka, stop by and get yourself a massage!

Adventures in Dogsitting

This morning, after not having slept because I left movie night a bit late, there was a knock at my front door. I opened it, and in stepped a man carrying an oversized pillow, a blanket, and a few plastic bags filled with toys and dog food. Stepping in shortly behind Gordy was his wife, Anita, with her adolescent gray standard poodle Oz on his lead.

I was given lots of tips and instructions on how to take care of him, most of which I smiled and nodded at politely, as I've taken care of dogs much bigger and far more ornery than this timid little thing. I understand it, anyway...he's their baby, and I'm the new babysitter.

Once they'd left, I took Oz out for a quick walk to make sure he was empty, then came back in out of the deep freeze. I set out food and water, set up his bed, and played with him for a bit before going about my day. He's now following me around everywhere, after having whined for a little while by the door about mommy being gone. And currently, he's laying by my feet here at my computer desk, randomly looking up at me with adorable dark eyes to beg for a scratch.

He's here until Friday afternoon, when his mom and dad come back from their vacation. I think we're gonna do just fine.
:)

Another page to advertise...

As those of you who read this from facebook know, I'm making a push this week for more clients. Bills are piling up, and I'm really tired of being broke. I want my business to start really rolling, and, to that end, I've made a new page to bring in more clientele.

Crystal's Massage Therapy at Thumbtack

So, please PLEASE Please please, go visit the site, send friends/relatives/business partners/etc. And, if you've been to see me in the past: 1, Make another appointment!....and 2, Please go leave a review so new clients know I'm not a horrible therapist.

So, I'm Yoda...

I took this random quiz...now, a little backstory first:

A long, long time ago, in a trailer court far, far away...

Ok, short version. I've never watched Star Wars. Not even once. Not the newer ones, not the old ones, none of it. So what I know of the verse is limited to what I hear from friends. But this was actually pretty cool, because it's where I want to be (mostly) in life. It's what I'm striving towards, and it brings up some stuff that I don't think about often...but when I do, I realize I want my life to go that way.

I know, I know....could you vague that up for me? ....(sorry...big fan of BtVS)

I've been on a spiritual path since I was 15, when I realized that Christianity didn't make any sense to me, and I decided to become a Wiccan. Until I realized that Wicca is just a little too "love and light" for my tastes, and went instead with Egyptian Paganism, mixed with a healthy reverence for the Winter Sidhe and the old Druid ways. So there's that. I'm finally in a place where, while I'm still learning, I am able to teach what I've learned to others, as well. 

The same can be said for my massage therapy career. I have honed my skills, come up with my own techniques, and am at least mildly successful at being self-employed.

As is true with my training at the Kojokan dojo. The fact that I've stuck with it as long as I have astounds me. And I've been told, not just by my instructors but by other students, that I've progressed to a level wherein I'm actually capable of explaining and demonstrating forms and sparring exercises (mostly) correctly, and to do so well enough that the person I'm demonstrating to can understand and learn from it. This astonished me, the first time one of my Sensei's asked me to teach a new student something. I freaked, and said, "Wait...I'm not good enough at it to teach it." And he looked at me, and very seriously said, "Yes, you are. You have this, and you're better at explaining than you think." So, I gave it my best, and the new guy actually learned from what I said and did! It was awesome!

Anyway. So...here's the picture from the quiz, and the link to take it yourself is below. :D

Which Star Wars Character Are You?

(Side note: I tried to publish this before, and hit save at the wrong time, deleting it. But!!! I found a cached copy of the post! Squee!)

New design!

Yep, that's right. That's Elsa from Disney's Frozen you see behind this post. I love the movie, and the character. I happen to be a huge Dresden Files fan (the books/audiobooks, NOT the show), and Elsa is a perfect representation of Mab. Oh, and that fortress she builds? Yea, exactly how Arctis Tor is described. 

But it's more than that. I'm somewhat of an eclectic Pagan, and the Queen of Air and Darkness is not just a character in a book. The power and elegance of the Winter sidhe is something that has started to resonate more with me than it had before. So, when I look at this awesome movie, I can't help but feel a connection to the power Elsa wields. 

I Have Returned...again...

So, my last post on here was over a year ago.

I graduated from Massage Therapy school at Capri College, and started my own business as a massage therapist, working mostly at home, in September of 2012. I've since traveled and worked at conventions in Kansas City, and will be doing so again this year (I'll be at Naka-Con, so come get a massage from me!)

Never really bothered to tell y'all about me...

My name is Crystal Shepherd, though I occasionally go by Crystal Fier, as that's my modeling name. I have done gothic and artistic nude modeling, occasionally managing to make some good money doing it. No, I don't mind saying that, either. I'm not ashamed of it.

Like I said, I'm now self employed as a massage therapist. I have my own table, and usually work at home, though I have some clients who I go to their house instead. 

I train in Kenbujitsu (battle field samurai sword) in North Liberty, and have done for the last 2.5 years. It has done so much to bring me out of my shell, and taught me a discipline I never knew before.

I spent the majority of my life not knowing what it was to have friends...literally...I had no clue. But about 5 years ago, I met a ton of amazing people, and now I have a huge group of great friends, and two or three who are very close, practically family now. I have no idea how I got so lucky to be friends with these people, or what I would've done without their love and support over the last 3 years.

There's lots more to tell, if you really want to know, so if you have questions or just want to get to know this crazy-goth-samurai-massage therapist-chick, just let me know!

GRR. ARGH.

I have 5 days left here in college, and I just want to get through it. But no one around me seems to understand the concept of shutting the hell up, getting off my back about bullshit techniques that are completely unpractical for me to do, or not completely screwing up everything that might affect me. This may sound selfish. But god dammit, I have worked my ass off for this, and I don't give a shit about anyone else's crap right now. 

That being said, there are a couple people in my life that have been nothing but good to me, that I have no problems with, and who are being way more supportive than I have any right to ask for from them. For them, they have earned the right to ask me for anything, to vent to me about anything, and I'll gladly do whatever I can for them. To those two people, I owe a huge debt of gratitude. 

I Don't Belong Here

I don't belong here.

This world feels so pathetic to me.

In the shadows, I am at peace.

In the darkness behind my eyes, I can finally relax.

My memories are blurred.

My visions of what was come to me in negative images, like staring into a flame and then closing your eyes.

I can see our home, dark and glorious.

Our children, Illusia and Cartyl, standing proudly at our side as we look out from our balcony upon our beautiful kingdom. The sound of perfect music fills the air. Velvet-smoke filled words this world couldn't comprehend. In this moment I am calm. In this place, I know I am safe from all. Alone in my bed, I dream of these memories. Dreams so vivid, I feel as though they've happened in the day. Yet waking, I find myself alone in my bed, back in this realm that doesn't understand. I sit up, remembering the dreams, and wait for darkness to come again. For the visions of what was to return fully to my eyes. And as I walk again in this world, I am left with the same painful, yet beautiful knowledge.

I don't belong here

The Pain Within You

This is a song I wrote when I was 16, about how I felt about my life and the world around me. It was inspired by a snippet of song from BtVS s6e7, the Buffy musical.

Does anybody even notice,

Does anybody even care

Does anyone ask the questions

That show their love is there

Does anyone try to see it,

The pain in your eyes

How can they possibly believe it

When you tell them all these lies

Does anyone ask the questions

That show their love is true

Or do they just simply deny it,

The pain within you.

Your arms are scratched and bloody

From the way your anger shows

And even though it's there in plain view,

No one around you seems to know

So you suffer alone in silence,

Thinking 'bout the things that you go through

While everyone around you still denies it,

The pain within you.

What will it take for them to realize

You're not as happy as you seem

Do you have to go and write it out,

Do you have to stand and scream

What does it take for them to notice,

Even with all you say and do

But one day they'll have to face it,

The pain within you.

Velvet roses

Velvet roses. Vanilla and chamomile, smooth scarlet wax. The scent is unlike any other. Seemingly forgotten by the world. I cannot find it anywhere. Of earth magik and soft, complex flowers, seemingly immortal. The flame of the candle burns, and the world remembers. The velvet roses are in bloom again.

~Crystalus Aurora